Hypothetical:

People drinking lover's spit? That's fucking gross.

Broken Social Scene are a glorious Canadian institution, instituted in Canada in 1999 as an outlet for non sequiturs thought up by members of Canada's indie rock community, none of whom are Bryan Adams or Celine Dion. Some of them are Leslie Feist, who in 2007 was voted most likely to be objectified by defensive male indie nerds.

“No, because the reason I think she’s hot is because she’s such a strong woman and a talented singer-songwriter!”

Whatever, dork.

Their four albums so far are called Feel Good Lost, You Forgot It In People, Broken Social Scene and Spirit If...

But let us ask ourselves, READERS, what would happen if their album titles started making sense? What if Broken Social Scene stopped playing songs with vague, abstract names like Cause = Time in favour of prosaic ditties about ping-pong, for instance?

2009: Songs of Love and Glacial Teenage Interpersonal Relationships
Featuring covers of Whitney Houston’s I Have Nothing and G.G. Allin’s Drink Fight and Fuck, SLaGTIR, as it’s known by fans, narrowly loses Pitchfork’s Record of the Year to the Arcade Fire’s slightly more literal album We Like Bruce Springsteen More Than Anybody.

2011: Twelve Indie Rock Songs on a Compact Disc
Not to be outdone, Broken Social Scene sing articles from Vice Magazine over a selection of songs from The Smiths’ back catalogue. A Nobel Prize for Music is created and awarded to Kevin Drew.

2016: A Musical Work Performed and Recorded by Suitably Remunerated Professionals
After a five year hiatus, the band return with an album consisting entirely of songs built on the twelve bar blues, with the only lyrics being the chord progressions narrated over the top. The entire US Government abdicates as Broken Social Scene are swept into the White House.

FYI.