JESUS FUCKKKKK I can't believe Carl cheated death yet again. For fuck's sake he did another fucking swing track on fucking britpop night. What the fuck is wrong with him? Is he retarded? Is he stuck in a time warp where it's permanently 1946? I'm going with no, on account of he's a humourless cunt with gelled hair who is visibly focusing all his concentration on replicating Michael Buble EXACTLY every time he performs. If you're going to trot out bland arrangements of boring shit every week, PLEASE make it fun. Be ironic if you have to, Carl. I just don't know what. Is it wrong to say I hate him? It feels so right.
As always, this weekend Dicko was the only judge who got halfway towards knowing shit, but what the fuck is with him getting all the way behind Marty? The guy needs to change his name to Boringy Boring and drive his Boringmobile to Boringsville where he can start a new life away from the discerning ears of everyone except stoned jocks. Apparently his voice is 'interesting' and the carpet where his eyebrows should be is 'attractive'? Well, I don't see it. (No, really.)
Also, Dicko accumulates asshat points for that bullshit about it being 'disrespectful' for Natalie Gauci (A.K.A. The Gauch) to sing Amy Winehouse's Rehab, because now Amy is a gross junkie who bleeds a Class 8 corrosive substance. What the fuck? Suddenly context is important? What's next, the WORDS of the song are going to count? Maybe next season they can get a professor of cultural studies on the judging panel to dissect the discourses surrounding the role of reality TV in the diffusion of popular musics and the generational snore snore sorry, what? Fuck me. It's a singing competition, and The Gauch is a babe. Leaveralone!
Maybe I'm the only one, but I was disappointed to see Jacob go. He was at least as pretty as Daniel and Carl.